Side Effects of Quitting

I tried quitting again today. Dunno izzit I caught a chill or izzit because of nicotine deprivation in my body, I got a fucking sever headache this whole afternoon. NB Gu Gu Jio!!

But this one thing I am damn sure must be related to my quitting. I pig out like nobody’s business!! Spent the entire day watching VCDs(Jin San Shun) to distract myself from thinking about cigs.

But without cigs, I keep stuffing things into my mouth! I ate a ton of food today!! Fried carrot cake in the morning, a big bowl of noodle soup for lunch, a chicken pie, some fish cakes and clam chowder for dinner, and 3 pcs of chicken wings for supper!! Hello… I dun wanna to be fatter than "Jin San Shun"!! Help!! I have to stop the munching right now!Let me dig for some butts to stop my craving.

CB lah!! ARRRGGHHH…. Ji pai liao! Why the hell did I empty my ash tray?!?! Fucking tu lan with myself now! *humpf!

Contemplating to walk to 7 Eleven to buy a pack. But it’s 2.30am NOW! Forget it! I will have to knock myself out and go to bed immediately… *banging on head on the wall… bong~ bong~ bong~

It’s a tormenting break-up

Don’t you agree that quitting cigs is like breaking up with someone. I was trying to leave him, by going cold turkey for straight 41 hours.

On the 42th hour(in the midst of a meeting), the urge was growing into a monstrous size. I stood up, excuse myself, left my office and went to 7 Eleven and did the unthinkable. I GAVE UP!!! ………. I embraced my "lover" and suck on him *_* !~~~~

Puffing it… I was plagued with a sea of guilt. But somehow, the smell of tobacco put me at ease quickly. I was calm once more… AWwww….

Guess, it’s hard to say goodbye just by walking out on it. I will try an alternative this time. I would try to drift away from it slowly…. hopefully negligence will eventually leads to a "silent break-off" between me and cigs.

Time-line is- Jan 1st 2007. (Background: Me and my BIG MOUTH lah!! I told Mr Ex-Schoolmate that I will make ‘Quitting Cigs’ as my 2007 New Year’s Resolution and he had marked my words for it.)

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A letter to my beloved cigs:

For my dearest,

我爱你, like I always do… But you know bloody well that you will kill me one day. You have been there for me throughout the last 13 years. I don’t know how am I supposed to live without you, but I just have to try. Your grip on my life is getting tighter, sometimes, I could almost feel that you are squeezing the fucking air out of my lungs.

Let me leave you now while the memories of us is still sweet and wonderful. I don’t wanna put all the blame on you and hate you for it when I am on my deathbed. Let me leave you while I still love you….

Maybe… we would meet again…

Always loving you,

CcIiNnDdYy

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I love SHOES!! This addiction has grown, but at the very least, it is not unhealthy mah. I counted… I have 34 pairs of shoes, mainly heels!! SEXY!!

I bought 2 more pairs, last evening. Mr Ex-Schoolmate came to know about my new collections and he went… "Haiz… You have only 1 pair of feet, how many shoes can you wear??"

Smoke cannot, surely buy shoes can, right?!?!   *pout…pout… (*~*)

Don’t care! I want SHOES and MORE SHOES!! *pout…pout… (*~*)

It’s hard to say Goodbye…

He has been my friend for more than 13 years. He was always there to keep me company, especially when I was down and out. Do I really wanna say goodbye?? I really miss him so badly. I miss sucking on —— my CIGARETTES!!

I had my last stick on the 25th Oct, around 1 am…. which means I have been going without it for more than 41 hours!! This is record breaking! I have never go without smoking for such long hours before.

ARRGGHHH!!!!….. I am feeling fucking lethargic right now!!! The whole day I can’t seem to sit still throughout my meeting, I kept fidgeting like a monkey.

Don’t ask me to suck a sweet or chew a gum. It just won’t fucking work for me!!

NBCB! I am getting so grouchy and I am losing my focus! I can’t think of anything else, except for the smell of tobacco. In a nutshell, I am dying for a puff!!

Wedding and The Big 3 Zero!!

Was at my friend’s wedding dinner earlier. Guess what!!?? His ex-gf was there as well!! Wah kow!!… AMAZING lor!! Dunno if my ex-husband get married again, invite me to his wedding dinner, I will go or not (=_=).oO    Aiyo… dun need to think so much, he won’t invite me one lah, his future wife would chop off his head, if he dares. hahaha…

I knew this friend for close to 10 years already. In fact, I "watched" this bunch of monkeys grow up, they are my bro’s friends, but I am particularly close to this group of pals. Maybe, because I am childish full of nonsense, just like them.

When they are not toasting the groom,they are toasting each other. Drinking and laughing away… ma chiam their own wedding like that lor.

 

Can u spot which is my bro? He dun look as good as me lor. kekeke…

I was their candid cameraman. Never really drink tonite … why huh?? Haiz… mai ko kong liao lah…

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2 days back, I spoke to my mama on the phone. She beat around the bushes and then finally she sheepishly asked me.

Mama: ni 有人追 ma?

Me: wah lau!! got… many many lor 因为我很美 hor!

Mama: 三十 liao le!! 快找一个男朋友 and settle down ba!

Me: Aiyo… 有 lah… 有 lah…

Then she went on and on to milk me for details! But hor… forgot to tell my mama this…

Nowadays guys si bei got issue with settling down one lah. Please just let me carry on being 老处女保持 being call "Miss Cheong" can boh?! Anyway 现在 de 婚姻 also don’t have warranty. 结 for what FUCK?

Some more 您的女儿 also not 宝, got people want to marry… 才怪 lor!

NB lah…

30 years old, not married = freaking 古怪的人 meh??

 

Keeping the pursue going…

Are men more attracted to women who don’t give a shit about them???

Hmm.. This is a really interesting question. (=_=).oO

This is how I feel….

"Men have the primitive instinct of a hunter. The thrill of getting something keeps them moving. The pursue gives them meaning to their existence and pinning down their prey boost their egos. However, not all hunters like the taste of their meat and they move on searching for the next better one. It’s a game!! And to win it, you fight back and you run, so the pursue will continue…."

Would this egg gets me the energy to keep running……?

CB lah… jiao hui suan de hor!!

Get rid of it & move on…

After smirking at my "talent" to fix my broken nail, I was faced with new challenges. The fucking faker kept falling off!! I had to be very conscious about it when I am using my hands. It just slows me down tremendously. It finally infuriated me when it snapped out my finger while I was struggling with my heaps of groceries. At that instant, I had decided to abandon it… forever!!

The moral of the story is…

Somethings are just irretrievable. When it is broken, it is FUCKING BROKEN!! Trying to mend it back, covering it up or should you just get on with it?? I have chosen to get on with it…

I want to stop shouldering emotional baggage. I want to face the fact that it is gone. I want to get rid of it and start moving on. Time will mend everything… We just need to have patience.

And when things are dying… the best is to let it go. The sorry sight of it torments you. Almost nothing in the world is indispensable. And almost nothing in the world is irreplaceable. So goodbye… I will get another new pot of plant with purple flowers.

Thank you for the lovely memories…

So SERIOUS meh??

Last night, I went to a GP (Raffles Medical Group), as I had been breaking out cold sweat & experiencing dizziness since last weekend. The stupid GP is SUPER kan chong lor!! He refused to diagnose me and wanted me to go to A&E immediately!! Wah lau eh!! Where got so serious?? I also never actually fainted what!!

I refused to go A&E, it was coming to 9pm liao… and I was fucking tired… I just wanna go home, shower and rest. Who wanna go hospital and wait for God knows how long to see a resident physician for problem that minor. But Mr Ex-Schoolmate nagged and nagged… finally I succumbed to him… I promised to go to the hospital on my own the next morning.

So… I went to Raffles Hospital this morning. And became their laboratory rat!! They ran so many tests on me. Blood(3 BIG TUBES!!!), urine, stool samples taken… ECG… X-ray… Ultra-sound… blah…blah…blah… Check out the hospital robe that I need to wear… very UN-GLAM lor!

I have to wait til 2nd Nov to get the analysis report. Xiao Lah!! So if I really faint these few days, they also cannot help me mah… Si bei wu nai lor… And hor, the medical bill came up to be $406!! This is DAYLIGHT ROBBERY! Luckily can claim or else I REALLY FAINT lor!!

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Something really serious happened! I broke my bloody nail while do some household chore. The pain is excruciating!! FUCK!! It bled!! (*screaming out loud "ARRRRRGGGG….")

I went to LOT 1’s nail salon and all their appointments are FUCKING FULL!! KNN… ( +_+”) I ended up having to DIY and I savage the damage with some very cheap fake nails I got from Aries. I must say… I am fucking good!! Look how natural it is. WOW!!… I am damn impressed with myself lor. (*smirking)hehehe….

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Oh yes… Courtesy of Mr Ex-Schoolmate (thanks for keeping your promise!! *o* muack)

Flavor of the month: Champagne-colored Roses

I love it!!

Fatigue!

I am so fucking tired! Mentally, Physically, Emotionally… Holistically!!

So tired that I ain’t gonna blog to describe my fucking fatigue to you. Another day, perhaps…

And yes… I am still breaking out in cold sweat and is threatened with that fainting spells, a couple of times, a day. CB lah… that Sat shopping spree had caused me "permanent damaged"!!

I DESPERATELY NEED A FUCKING BREAK!!

Shop til I nearly drop!

@_@  I have no idea how I managed to put up such a great show this morning, with just 3 hours of sleep. I must be a really FUCKING GOOD presenter!! WOOHOO!!

Since the workshop was held in Takashimaya’s Royal Copenhagen, we had free breakfast there. It was sheer indulgence, to eat from those damn expensive handcrafted plates and even the tea tasted so much better, drank from those luxurious cups! Ma chiam tai tai leh.

Later that day, I went to Plaza Singapura to get some X’mas deco for my up-coming training. Well… just as I had predicted, my shopaholic nature got the better of me. I simply went out of control at Daiso and Carrefour, there were so much bargains!! I would have continued to shop for more, if I hadn’t had a sudden surge of dizzy spells.

Out of the blue, I felt lightheaded and there was tightness in my chest. Then I caught a glimpse of my own reflection and FUCKING HELL, I thought I saw A GHOST. My lips were whitish and I was breaking out in cold sweat. I better get home before I fainted in the heart of Orchard and that would be fucking ma lu lor. ~_~"

The taxi-driver was sibei KNN lor. Look at me… all weak and struggling with so many shopping bags, he also never volunteer to help. CB!! I have to juggle 4 enormous shopping bags, my haversack for my laptop and my handbag in and out of the cab by myself. I felt so fucking CRAPPY.

Perhaps I didn’t get enough rest last night.

Perhaps I didn’t drink enough drink water and I was dehydrated.

Perhaps I was too busy shopping and forgotten to eat something for lunch.

Perhaps all those credit card bills chalked up by my shopping spree is killing me.

Perhaps I am getting old… ARRRGGG FUCK!!

Perhaps it’s the haze and the increasing PSI!

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I conclude, I was just too exhausted… I felt better after a nap…

In fact, so much better that I could show you how pretty I look like as Santarina!!

HO.. HO.. HO..!!

My Evening of Compulsiveness and Independence

No need to makeup today, coz I worked from home. Yeah!

Thought I was skiving at home right!? I got do my work one ok!! (U can ask my maid, she is my witness) Was preparing my presentation slides, for the talk I am conducting this weekends hor. WTF! Weekends burnt AGAIN!! I am gonna miss Oki. *pout… pout 

Mr Ex-Schoolmate is having dinner with his family tonight. His mommy’s birthday wor… "Happy Birthday, Auntie!"… I xiao ar… ma chiam she can hear me like that (~_~)

Looks like it’s going to be a lonely evening for me tonight. But nevermind, I am very independent one. I had worked out my evening program liao.

1) Shop at Lot 1 CHECKED

K.O exactly at 6pm today. YIPPY!! Went to Lot 1, wanted to get a CD of Evanescene… end up I bought a whole lot of stuff from Sembawang Music Centre!!

OMG! I AM A FUCKING COMPULSIVE SHOPPER!! I nearly bought that CK watch which I have been aiming too!! Luckily I ta brake on it.

2) Soaked in the bathtub CHECKED

3) Shave my legs CHECKED

4) DIY facial and put on my SK-II Mask CHECKED

5) Pray that I would get my hand on this CK watch soon CHECKED

6) Gossip with my laundry lady CHECKED

7) Cook dinner? … NOT DONE

*Lazy to cook, not that hungry anyway… maybe I should take the opportunity to diet so I don’t have to keep dreaming about teoh TOTO and then can go for LIPOSUCTION!… Hmm… I also never buy TOTO, like that how to teoh huh??

Think I will eat my fav Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake Ice-cream, for dinner… KNN, like that more FATTENING hor?… Alamak…  ;S

Blog CHECKED

9) Now I will go watch Jin Sanshun VCD loh….

SHIT!! Forgot to buy cigarettes… wah lau eh!! *I KPKB-ing to myself……… #%@#@!

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PS: Men usually say they like women who are independent. But hor… I think men actually fear/hate women who are too independent. Coz then, it makes them redundant mah! *RROAARRR!! (*o*)