*Warning: This is highly disturbing!

I was perpetually tore apart seeing these gory videos! They not only made me cried, they made me felt so fucking disgusted with myself! The repugnance was so punishing…

After watching them, I sank pretty low… Not only did the images terrorized the fuck out of me, the fact that I actually worked for a company that induced these sufferings, was making me extremely repulsive!

I swear, for a moment, I did contemplate a resignation. Then I remembered a saying, every coin has two-sides. I checked my company’s website and was more relieved when I learned that they had been doing their bits to resolve this horrific act.

I don’t know if deep down, I trusted my company’s integrity, but I wanted so badly to believe that I am working for one, who values humanity. Perhaps I am just trying to force-feed myself on that, so as I would feel more comforted. FUCK!! I am nothing but a fucking selfish hypocrite! I fucking hate myself for that!

I shifted back and forth… hating myself, doubting my soul and convincing myself that everything I did, was already the best. The evilness in me was reigning and fought back in suppression. I hated the vulnerable split.

Please be warned that the following links to the video, are graphic and grotesque, especially to animal lovers. Watch at your own discretion.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCOFILDrLqA&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv-aSHAis6w&mode=related&search=

Do open this file to see the other side of the coin.

Download researchwithanimals1.pdf

Would someone please tells me that all these cruelty is coming to an end soon…

Hail to Judgement Day! Come and take us, the fucking sinners away…

Lust for Japanese girls?

When I went to Japan, a couple of years back, I was so mesmerized by the Japanese girls. I was thinking to myself, "Wah Kaoz! Why do all of them look so fucking gorgeous?? NB… this world is sibei unfair lor!"

Recently, I chanced upon this jap website for cosmetic surgeries, my jaws dropped to the floor! WTF! I knew the Japs are good with plastic beauties, but I didn’t know that they are so damn good lor…in fact, they can FUCKING PLAY GOD already lor!!

The origins of these "beauties" were simply some freaking ordinary folks, some are even considered fugly(*slap myself for being so mean). They metaphor into Singaporean men’s fantasies, only after going under the knives of their brilliant surgeons! … I think I had regained my self-esteem after seeing these pics…(*slap myself again)

Then this thought crossed my mind…

Does beauty gives us an absolute advantage in our lives? It was believed that the Japanese society could not tolerate fugliness, hence Japanese girls went thru extensive surgeries to have their faces zhng.

The Japs are the "Masters of Zhng"! They zhng their cars with fanciful body-kits, their hps with gems and charms, and whatever they can get their hands on. I must say, they are at best zhng-ing faces lor!

Whatever happened to simplicity? …and don’t inner beauty counts anymore?

Must beauty only comes in a kaleidoscopic view, before we would worship it?

Just worship me then…

Fuck!… I forgot… I need to be more humble.

DISCLAIMER: Erm… No lah… I only look good in pics, actually in reality, I am very very fugly one!

(*letting out a sigh of relief) Phew…. luckily I included a disclaimer, or else how to get me off-hook from the hate mails.

PS: Did this entry shatter the fantasy of Singaporean men? LOL….

Our First Road Trip :)

Last weekend, Mr Ex-Schoolmate and I went on our very first road trip… Sweet… 

OUR DAY 1…

We woke up 3am, on Fri, to begin our journey. I asked him why 3am? He said it was auspicious time wor. *puzzled… It’s our road trip not wedding leh…

He drove for 7 hours straight, before reaching

Cameron

Highlands

. Actually he wanted for us to stay in Cameron Highlands Resort. FUCKING HELL! It was a whooping RM700 per nite. WTF! No way! I can’t make my dear spent so much $ on a room (he can spend it on my shopping later.. hehe..) We drove around exploring for a place to spend the night. And finally, I saw this very Tudor-style hotel and it was a steal! Just RM120! We checked in. And he concussed after that…

When he "regained consciousness", we went for steamboat dinner. My belly nearly burst up, I was goddamn FULL lor. After dinner, we went to a pasar malam and were caught in the rain. Had to imagine that we were strolling romantically in the "snow", in order to survive the freezing temperature! Some self-hypnosis there!

OUR DAY 2…

Woke up at 8am. I KPKB… holiday leh, still must wake up so early meh?

Head down to pluck strawberries after breakfast. Yummy! Although Mr Ex-Schoolmate thought they were quite sour, but I love it! I like sour stuff… but no… I ain’t pregnant!! Don’t anyhow speculate hor!

Had tea and scones at a lovely place overlooking the entire tea plantation, on our way down the mountain. Mr Ex-Schoolmate did something cruel. He buried a housefly in a jar of sugar!! Good luck, to the next customer who come and drinks tea. Keke… 

On the way down, I saw lots of hut. So I thought aloud, “Orr… these must be their bus-stop." Then Mr Ex-Schoolmate chuckled, “That’s their makeshift store for selling fruits and veg lah."    

=_="  Shit! He must be wondering why he fall for a bimbo.

It was Goodbye Cameron… and Hello KL! WooHoo!!  

Drove for another 3 hours… NB… KL’s traffic is kena sai (not chinese, but as in hokkien for shit!!) Horrendous was an understatement!! Finally reached The Regent, KL. 5 stars lor! Yippy! Mr Ex- Schoolmate’s battery was almost flat, but we must get going… I wanna SHOP!

Dinner at

Chinatown

. Lots of fake

LV

, Coach, Gucci etc… didn’t buy any of those. Waste $ meh!? Then it was Sungei Wang… where I 大开杀戒!

Spotted a crowd of people… hmm… maybe got good buy. FWAH!!! I saw the tallest man in Malaysia. Snapped a pic of him. I think he got 3m tall! Can pole-dance around him lor!

Past by this very run-down hotel- Malaysia Hotel, Mr Ex- Schoolmate said he stayed there before. Wah pian eh.. machiam 猛鬼大厦!! Luckily he never made me stayed there this time. Or I will give him 好看 lor!!

Super tired already! Both of us KO damn quick tonight!

OUR DAY 3…

Lazed on the bed til 10 plus… had breakfast then did our last minute shopping. Spent RM500 in one hour! Keke… So Shopaholic!

Checked out of our hotel and headed to JB. Stopped over at JB to get dinner & pirated DVDs, coz KL was more expensive for DVDs. I got another 2 pairs of shoes there! Yeah!! Finally back to

Singapore

after 10.30pm. Home Sweet Home! Huh?? Must unpack ar?! Humpf… *pout

3 days… 3 different states in

Malaysia

… like Amazing Race hor?!

I bought 2 dresses, 6 tops, 3 pairs of shorts, 1 pair of jeans, 3 pairs of shoes… this time, I very the 手下流情 already.

And did I forget to mention that I was smoke-free thru out the entire trip! Yesh!! I broke my personal record! And he was so proud of moi!! keke… 

Next, I want to go

Korea

!…

Hong Kong

!…

Japan

!…

Bangkok

!…

USA

!…

Taiwan

!…

Australia

!… (the list goes on….)

This is HILARIOUS!

CB! This is super duper hilarious! (Thanks Cloudz! U make my day!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUL2Y0CeYGc

Ma chiam MJ in his Thriller’s MV. These indians are fucking funny lor. This one is KTV version, with chinese subtitles some more.

Hmm….   (+_+)~.oOO

Like that lah… I will consider to marry anyone (must be Chinese hor, my mama only want Chinese son-in-law lei) who can sing and dance exactly like that fucker in the video.

Wahahaha….

Go watch and start practicing NOW!

An EXTRA-ordinary wedding banquet

If you are planning to hold your wedding banquet in Rasa Sentosa, please don’t invite me can. Want me to go ar? Ah boh, u change venue lah. And you should lor, I will tell you why…

Last Sunday, I attended an extraordinary ma fan wedding banquet. Firstly, it wasn’t in Singapore… erm… I mean, it wasn’t in the main island of Singapore, it was situated in SENTOSA lor! Sibei far still nevermind ok… when my bro and I reached Rasa Sentosa, we were told that the hotel’s carpark is FULL! We were then told to park at beach carpark, and a bus will pick us up. There wasn’t a proper map or very clear instructions, so we parked at a open air carpark, nearest to the hotel, beside a beach. We waited at the damn bus-stop for more than 10 mins and don’t see any buses at all lor. NB! Wasted our time. We drove back and the hotel staff then said we were to drive and park at "THE BEACH CARPARK", near THE MERLION. WTF!! Should have told us earlier what!! And CB lor, where the fuck is THE MERLION!? They made us tour Sentosa unwillingly.

Ended up, we spent 1hr and 30min to get from my place, CCK to the hotel ballroom. My bro was like,"FUCK!! Can’t believe I take longer to drive here, than to JB! Waste fuel lor!"

While waiting for the dinner to commence, a relative told me, my cousin held another banquet in Hong Kong last week (his wife is from Hong Kong), and it was super grand lor, per table cost more than SIN$2000!! Wah pian!! I shrugged and asked,"Oh… that expensive ar… so would that extortionate price be able to ensure that their marriage last forever???" Opss… my relative’s face shrunk instantly… I looked away, pretending to be innocent.

So the dinner started… come until so far… nothing spectacular what…  =_= *yawn…

I super bored… Should just stay at home to nurse my bladder!! NB…. Start snapping pic of myself, bro, nephews to help me kill time.

There was this ang moh who thought I was shooting him, he strike pose lor… machiam model lor.

My uncle also joined in the fun too, showing off his 3G phone. Wah! Look at his nails! He is our "Phua Yeo Chu Kang" sia! Btw, he rich man lor!

You don’t have to be handsome to be a waiter, but at least dress properly lah! Look! His belly is spilling out!! Fucking hell!? Is this the image of hotel or cze chay!!?? (Can someone tell me if this place is 5 stars?) Wah lan eh!! I am disgusted lor!!

Hurray! Dinner ending soon…. thought I had escaped the "bloody question"…. Then I heard it…. "When your son or daughter’s turn huh?" CB! This aunty sibei KPO lor! Before my mama could reply, I shot at her,"I am only 19, and my bro is only 18, we both underage lor!!"…. faster dragged my mama away….

Took pic in the hotel coach as we were heading to the super far carpark. And my bro cannot stop KPKBing about how inconvenient it was lor. "Wei bro, li kao liao buay. Stop your Kao Peh can?"

Fuck! I look like ghost in this pic lor! CB!

Why must come all the way to Sentosa to hold dinner? Very extraordinary meh? Oh ya… very extra… extra far lor… & sibei extra *spray lor (*translate that to hokkien and u will know what I mean)

… Congrats to my cousin, Ken and your lovely wife! Actually don’t have to bother if I enjoyed your dinner or not lah, as long as you two are happy can liao. Teoh boh?!

PS: I very steady liao hor, bladder pain like xiao still attend. Surely, I can bitch mildly about it, on my own blog right!?

Pain.. Pain.. Pain..

This morning, I woke up with an urgency to pee… then I felt it… the sharp torturing sensation, as if something was piercing thru my bladder! Fuck! After 2 days of trying to self-administrate, my Cystitis (aka bladder infection) is finally winning the battle! Touched my forehead… Damn!! … as expected, there was a mild temperature. The infection must have got me!

I know I shouldn’t be boozing last night with my bro and the guys, but I just didn’t want to be left alone to 失控 and 狂想. I didn’t tell them I was feeling down, coz they aren’t able to give any constructive advise anyway. I just needed to drown myself with their presence.

And now, I am paying for it, with this excruciating pain in my bladder! ya…  ya… all you out there, are echoing,"U deserved it!"    … 真没有同情心  : (

Fuck! I can’t even stand up straight. I walked with a 45 degree bow, hands clasping onto my bladder, with agony written all over my face. I struggled to the kitchen, wanting to fix lunch, in the end, I gave up and ate those 4pcs of nuggets from last nite’s leftover.

Oki came over and licked my hands… did he try to show remorse or was he just enticed by the residual of nuggets on my fingers? I don’t have a clue…

I ate some pain killers for the fever(even though it was supposed to be for my migraine, aiya, I think same lah). I summoned the last of my strength to gather my lappy… I almost have to crawl on all four to return to my bed. The pain was getting unbearable!

It had been more than 2 hours since I have been curling myself up in a fetal position on my bed. Don’t know when the pain would subside… Don’t know if I can make it to the clinic without having to crawl there…

Arrgghhh… I still have a fucking wedding to attend later! Just thinking of that, heighten my pain! …. OUCH!!

My Evening of Isolation

I am feeling so lost… I don’t know how to begin…

Whenever I look at my calendar I try to plan my rest day, so that I get to see Oki and still get to accompany Mr Ex-Schoolmate to spend some quality time together as a couple.

This evening, I suggested that the 3 of us go out for dinner together. I guess, it’s the dumbest move I had ever made. We went to Farm-Mart which is near my place, coz I noticed Mr Ex-Schoolmate seemed rather tired today and this place just a stone thrown and it allows dogs, so Oki can join us.

Oki was a little wired up today, and I don’t know why. He was making hell lot of sound as we were getting ready to go out. I noticed Mr Ex-Schoolmate was seemingly frustrated at his behavior. When we were half way thru our dinner, 2 stray dogs appeared suddenly beside Oki, this got Oki really agitated and started barking like mad. Things just got so much worst when 2 JRT appeared at the same time. Oki was all hyped up and misbehaved really badly, causing Mr Ex-Schoolmate to totally lost his appetite.

I apologized profusely. He just said he wasn’t angry with me, but was upset with the way I handled Oki (I was not strict enough and allowed such display of ill-behavior). He then commented that Oki was acting worst than the strays. That sentence hurts me deeply, but I kept quiet, as I was already feeling the burn of tears in my eyes.

When we got home, there was just this thick cloud of uneasiness. I tried to explain. I admitted that I had been very lax with disciplining Oki, because I am just so guilt-ridden for not spending enough quality time with him. It’s really is not his fault that his 2 owners who love him, split up and he was to be shuffled and shared between my ex-bf and me. The guilt was so intense that I try not to scold or beat him at all, even though he is getting more out of hand recently. I know in my heart, this is totally wrong, but I just can’t bring myself to discipline Oki like before, coz somehow I felt I owe him.

I was hoping Mr Ex-Schoolmate would understand… but he merely said he don’t know what to do and he can’t help me to discipline Oki, perhaps I should spend more time with Oki, then he opened my door and left.

After his departure, I spent the next 30 mins crying uncontrollably. I was really so torn apart, I would love to spend my time loving the both of them together, but I reckon it is never so easy.

At the beginning of my crying spree, I was pissed off with Oki for his behavior, then I was frustrated with Mr Ex-Schoolmate for leaving me… at the end of it, I was actually angry with myself for all, that has to happen….

I sucked at being a owner to Oki and I sucked at being a gf for Mr Ex-Schoolmate… just what the fuck am I really good at???

At the end of the day, my bf left and went back to his place, and Oki kept his distance away from me… and I am here typing the blog with tears running down my cheeks…….. feeling totally isolated.

Why is it so hard to space out my time and love for them?

I just hope to get a little understanding…. is that too much to ask for?

KNN, BRIDE FOR AUCTION MEH!!

My mama called me earlier to remind me that we have to attend my cousin’s wedding this Sun. Aiyo… so *loh soh lor… I remember lah.

Then she brought up the deadly topic again!

Mama:"不要总是换男朋友,已经三十 liao… Faster settled down lor. 不要play play le."

Me (~my pupils’ dilated):"*Wah lau! 我那里有always change boyfriends!!?? 不合, then must break off wat!!"

Injustice lor! I only had 2 serious relationships in my entire fucking life ok. Both lasted wasted more than 5 years, I where got play play! (~sulking like mad) The guys don’t wanna commit, there is nothing I can do, apart from moving on what!? (~smoke coming out from my head)

Mama continue:"表兄弟和表姐个个已经结婚, everyone will ask when is your turn."

Me (~eyes roll 360 degree):"让他们问我lor. I will tell them想要竞争ar? 我是在所有之中 first to be结婚和离婚de lor. 看他们是否可以赢我lor?!?!"

Mama (~faint):"There you go again. Sprouting nonsense. 小心offended人lor."

Me (~black face):"As if I care lor, it’s the truth mah… Humpf! 难到, I must go Ebay to拍卖myself meh?? 来ya,来ya… Bride for Auction ah!"

I choose to be spinster meh?? *KNN lor!! 没人想要与我结婚… My fault meh?? *Sibei tulan liao lor!!

ARRGGHHHH!!! 我永远不结婚 liao… 我愤怒 Can!!

If you are moi’s cousin and you are reading this, STAY AWAY FROM MY TABLE THIS SUNDAY!! Or else… wait I *hian toh at the dinner hor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*CB! 真不了解.

*Wa ar ni sui, boh lang ai.

While so many freaks out there are getting married and causing *lim lao bu to pressure me!!

*KNN lah, Wu lang ai chua wa boh??

(*are in hokkien)

Opposite Attracts

Do the whole world thinks that I am negative?!

Well, I gotta admit I do get pretty negative at times, but how can I help it. Human beings just happen to have negative ions on our skin. Oh no… I am not going to dig into the laws of physics or even biology here.

In the theory of "the same side of the magnet repels", would I have been able to attract someone positive if I am so goddammit positive myself? I can hear the objectionable roars from the millions of "positive" people out there. Before, you are so quick as to write me off… think through this for a minute.

Take a good look at the people around you. Those whom live positively have a higher tendency to attract the people with negative aspects of their lives and vice versa. Example: Life Coaches to Losers, A self-righteous priest to a bunch of sinners, Psychiatrists to Lunatics, Richard Gere to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman… etc…

Majority of human beings (I know there are inhuman out there too), are capable of compassion and empathy. It is this prime factor that drawn us to the need to show care… concern… and to certain extend love… Hoping that your own positiveness would rub-off him/her negativeness, so as to bring upon happiness. And incidentally, his/her negativeness could possibly draw out the best of your utmost strength. (when there is a demand, there is a supply)

While I am at the receiving end of someone’s positive ionization, I might also be source for others, at the same time. Thus I am quite a balance of (+) & (-) ions.

Hmm… 奇怪 I actually sound like I am a FUCKING MAGNET now?

( -_-")

Is your life boring?

How can life be boring? Why is my 24 hours, always seems too short?

How do I spend my time?… Let me see…

-Working (9-6… not quite, more like 9-7, not counting the work I brought home to do sometimes),

-Blogging (that’s my fav past-time),

-Talking & playing with my dog (weekends are dedicated to my Oki), *look at him, he is more interested in checking out that babe doing exercise on the tv than me!!! 浪费了我的爱!!!

-Swimming (I try to do my 20 laps, at least twice a week),

-Surfing net (fuck, I am a net addict! 网中人?),

-Checking & replying emails (both personal & work),

-Watching tv/dvds (Mon-America’s Next Top Model & Nip/Tuck is coming, Tue-CSI & Criminal Minds, Wed-Project Runway, Thur-Without a Trace, Fri-Ghost Whisperer & Survivor Cook Islands, Sat-watch DVDs, Sun-The Apprentice. 100%电视迷!),

 

-Acting bimbo to my Mr Ex-Schoolmate AKA BF (I think I have to read up on "How to live with a man" "How to be a Bimbo, for Dummies"),

-Reading non-fictional books (sometimes I do read magazines),

-Soaking in my bath tub (you are not getting a pic of me here),

-Shopping for more shoes & clothes (as well as groceries),

-Listening to radio & cds (mainly english songs, NO hip-hop or R&B hor),  

-Putting on tons of skincare to prevent aging & makeups to look pretty,

-Day-dreaming (fuck! I actually wasted 1/10 of my life doing that),

-Smoking & drinking at home (ya.. ya.. ya, I am cutting down & hoping to quit one day),  

-Doing household chores (I do have a part-time maid who comes once a week but still have loads of shits to do lor),

-Learning to cook delicious decent meals,

-Hanging out with my close friends (I will try to catch up more frequently, I promised),

-Singing at ktv (didn’t sing for a long time, boh kakis to challenge me lei, but my standard still there one hor),

-Bitching about others (harmless one lah),

-Msn-ing my friends,

-Checking out other bloggers,    

-Taking pics of myself (I am Narcissistic, 我是自恋狂 yeah!),

-Occasionally visiting my shrink (hasn’t been seeing her for a while liao, oh no… I don’t miss her lor),

etc… 

Woow…. my life is super duper fucking hectic!

… I think I need a BREAK!!