Hey Boss, I am breaking up with you!

Don’t you think quitting your job is like breaking up with someone? Personally, I feel the emotions that you go thru during that phase are pretty much identical. But if you strongly disagree, I can also see why… either you have never love your partner or you have never love your job. Wah lau eh, you are pathetic lor!

BREAKING UP

1)      You started to take a good look with the people around you.

2)      You begin to feel tempted when a guy offer to buy you a drink

3)      You started to get irritated at the sight of your gf/bf.

4)      You feel absolutely dreadful going out with her/him.

5)      When you are with your gf/bf, you don’t have the mood to smile.

6)      Everyday you complain that you are fucking “sianz”.

7)      You already have the words to ask for a breakup, but you are afraid that you might regret.

      You felt extremely vexed, not knowing if leaving her/him is the right choice.

9)      There were moments with her/him that you cherished.

10)  You fear the consequence of your action.

11)  Finally, you left her/him. At times, you still miss her/him, but you know that without the passion, nothing can last forever.

QUITTING JOB

1)      You started to take a good look at job in the recruitment page.

2)      You being to feel tempted when someone made a job offer.

3)      You started to get irritated at the sight of your mgr/boss.

4)      You feel absolutely dreadful going to work.

5)      When you are with your mgr/boss, you don’t have the mood to smile.

6)      Everyday you complain that you are fucking “sianz”.

7)      You already have the letter of resignation written, but you are afraid that you might regret.

      You felt extremely vexed, not knowing if leaving the company is the right choice.

9)      There were moments with the company that you cherished.

10)  You fear the consequence of your action.

11)  Finally, you left the company. At times, you still miss it, but you know that without the passion, nothing can last forever.

Ending partnership isn’t always a bad thing. There is no guarantee that your future would be brighter after you take off. However, one thing is definite, if you don’t go, you will forever feel trapped and unhappy at where you are.

Is it time to make that move yet??

Emptiness

"Why did I allow myself to keep going back to him?" a close girlfriend of mine asked. Later she answered her own question. She concluded that it was EMPTINESS, the fear of being alone.

"Emptiness"… it sounded like my old friend, now it seems so distant yet I know it is always lurking by; sometimes it revisited me when I least expected it, but many a times it was I, who gave it a reason to manifest.

"Emptiness is a vacuum created by your pain. When you have so much pain, you emptied everything inside you, just so as to make space to store more pain. And that vacuum just pull in nothing else but endless amount of pain, until it wrecks you…"             

Famous words by Cheong Cindy

Is that what life is all about afterall?

(Please be advised that the pictures found in this blog entry might be disturbing to some people.)

I sat in front of my laptop for a long time. I was pondering… I don’t really know how should I begin. I don’t wish to cry while I type out my entry, for I don’t suppose I have anymore tears left after last night….

I had a rough night with my bf; yes, you were right, it was the night of my birthday. I can’t figure out what went wrong, but he sure isn’t coming home tonight, that I know. Sidetracked… sorry about it. I wanted to say that I had a dream last night, it was one queer dream. And it was somewhat gory.

I dreamed that I sent my dog to his doggie nanny, who was living on the 8th floor of my block and after that, I just leaped off from the void deck of that floor, and end my life, without a rhyme or reason. I woke up agonized and troubled.

Sadly, an incident mirrored my dream; this morning, somebody jumped off my apartment block and killed himself. I heard the initial loud landing and instinctively felt it was a suicide. It was a morbid premonition. I don’t know why I had sensed it so strongly, but there were stranger things that followed.

When I sent my dog to its nanny this evening, I realized that the man who committed suicide this morning, did jumped off and end his life from the exact location I dreamed about and he actually lived on the 8th floor!

I don’t what my dream was trying to tell me, but I was quite freaked out! To be honest, I had been rather suicidal in the past. There were more that once that I sat on the edge of my windows, waiting for the rush of the moment to end it all. I had committed 2 suicides, both with lethal drug overdose; one which was near fatal. (Don’t worry, those days were over for me already.)

If you are thinking that killing yourself would send someone deeply regretful and you can use your death to torment him/her forever… think again… That wasn’t what I have witnessed so far.

After your death, the world continues to revolve….. if death could meant anything, it would only mean that…. you lost it all.

REST IN PEACE. WHATEVER THAT WORRIES YOU, CEASED FROM THAT MOMENT YOUR HEART STOP BEATING.

I have been smiling, but that doesn’t necessarily means I am happy. Just know that I am trying my best to be……..

Birthday- to dread or not to dread?

I am a weirdo; I felt it on New Year’s Eve, I felt it on the eve of my birthday. That ridiculous fear with anticipation. It is like I dread it to come, but still I am counting down on it. What a paradox!?

Last night, I was again KPKB-ing to myself about turning 31. Mr Ex-Schoolmate had enough of my constant lamentation, he got impatient and asked, "What is exactly wrong with you turning 31?"  Answering in between my pouts and frowns, I said "Lots! 31 says that I am old. I don’t wanna be old!" And I made an angry but silly expression at him. *~*

Fact is: It’s more than growing old! It’s about…. er… actually I don’t even wanna grow up! I refuse can’t see myself being associated with the grown-ups. In my view, there are three types of grown-ups.

TYPE A are "the married", they complain about husbands and their in-laws, rattle on and on about their kids and boost to everyone of the schools their kids go to.

TYPE B are "the soon to be married", talk about the plan for their big day, the house that they are renovating, the honeymoons…etc… it just figures and more figures… and I hate seeing numbers.

The last group, TYPE C, "the unmarried" (which sometimes being perceived as undesired) talk about… erm… talk about…?? Hmm… I don’t exactly know what the fuck they usually talk about, because I have really limited friends in this group.

So having restricted topics to chat with the 3 groups of grown-ups, I have tendency to sway towards the UNgrown-ups (aka youngsters). But as the age gap widens, so are the barriers, when they discuss about the latest clubs, I totally fall out of topics again. I have never been to MOS, St James, The Cannery nor Butter Factory. I remembered the last time I went to a club, was like… ok… it was too long ago and I had forgotten when or the venue. Now that I ceased smoking and semi-retired for drinking, I don’t think I am fitting in with the UNgrown-ups very well anymore.

I am 31 today… and I am neither here nor there. (

*my train of thoughts were broke up by my intercom.

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Intercom sounded

Me, "Yup."

Guard, "Courier service coming to you."

Me, "Orr…Ok." Hmm… what could it be?

UPS delivered a parcel… and it’s MY B’DAY PRESENT! A Gucci Bag!! Yippy!!

Last night, when I asked him for my pressie, he told me that he was too busy to go and buy, ask if can I.O.U first or not. 害我 slept with a disappointing pout all thru the night. He is such a good actor lor! Li Nan Xing II ar? See TCS want him or not!!

您看,他是爱我的!! Hehehe…

*The power of Gucci, can erase the fact that I was earlier vexed about turning 31. WooHoo!! I am shallow… but I don’t give a damn!

Next Big Thing After CNY

Operation Red Packets wasn’t quite a success, but it was expected. The fact is, I am getting older, in fact, in a couple of days more I will be THIRTY-ONE! Bursting past the mark of the big three zero. Haiz… The next big thing after CNY, is my birthday; but it isn’t something that I am quite looking forward to.

Last month, I booked a BBQ pit, with the idea of using it for my birthday. However as the days are creeping closer, I suddenly wanted to abandon this original mission. I am having a vision, one that includes burying myself inside my blankets and playing dead. I am hoping that by doing this, I can escape having a year more, added to my age.

I think my paranoia is getting so real that it has kind of manifested into a terror. Each time I had the thought of my birthday crossing my head, I actually can sense panic. It is like having a clock ticking inside my head, more like a time bomb, I supposed.

I am not hoping to receive a time-machine for my birthday present, just get me something that can encrypt my age and preserve my youth, please.

CNY’s Eve is Boring =_=

Mr Ex-Schoolmate came back this morning after his overnight mahjong game and he slept until lunch time, but he still looked bushed. Poor baby!

I decided to wake up early to pack my house a bit; thanks to my part-time domestic help, 小红, there was really nothing much to do for that yearly spring cleaning. I just need to pack up the dinning table and decorated it with new year goodies. And I had to clean up my greasy kitchen after I cooked lunch, while Mr Ex-Schoolmate helped out to sweep and mop the floor before he washed his car. And then we are all ready to usher in the Lunar New Year!

At 6pm, we were off to our 1st stop, his grandma’s place for reunion dinner; it was steamboat. Then at 7.30pm, we left for my aunt’s place for our 2nd round. Uno, my aunt’s dog was dressed in cheongsam, complimentary from my bro’s pet shop. So irresistibly cute lor!! Dinner was again, steamboat ! Wah lau… Sianz… How uninteresting!

Mr Ex-Schoolmate left me at 9pm to be 赌神 again.  =_=

My bro drove me home. When I reached home there was nobody to greet me "gong xi fai cai" at that stroke of midnight. Haiz… some more tonight I sleep alone again…

I am going change into my new PJ and sleep after watching this boring chinese drama on TV 8.

Boring. (*yawn…)

Tomorrow is Operation RED PACKETS!!

Hello Miss Piggy!

The year of the dog is finally coming to an end; it had been a treacherous year for me and many others who were born in the year of dragon. Only a few damn "heng" ones escaped the clutches of ill-fate. If you are the suay one, share your story with me.

But looking on the brighter side, I learned to be stronger by braving through the storms and right now, I still emerged as the survivor! (*u clap, I bow)

The prediction for the year of the pig would be a FANTASTIC one for me. Let me see… I want to bring success to a new height, I want to looks even younger than before, I want to have a knockout body that make everyone drools and (*whispering softly in your ears) I wish to get hitched to someone who love me… (*blushing like a little girl) I want to embrace the year of the pig; I reckon the best way to start, is to impersonate Miss Piggy! And with my "not-that-slim" figure, I think I have that natural ability. Hahaha…

I predict, this season’s most popular rhinoplasty would a cute piggy snout instead of that once too popular "Dawn Yang’s nose"… No offense hor Miss Yang, your nose looks perfect… erm… just a tad too perfect for the year of the pig lah.

(Know nuts about Dawn Yang’s nose? Then go to the link and check out her before and after pic: http://gssq.blogspot.com/2005/11/blogging-her-way-to-instant-fame-her.html)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To All Readers,

Have A Wonderful猪年!! Remember to pig out on those delicious pineapple tarts and bah kwa when you go visiting. 祝大家变得白白胖胖!! Gong Xi Fai Cai!!

Our 1st V Day

When I came back to the meeting room with a bouquet of flowers, everyone wanted to know who is it from. Come on, who else? It’s from my boyfriend lah, ar boh from myself meh?!

I asked Mr Ex-Schoolmate, "Dear ar, why 8 roses huh? What does it symbolized? ‘Fa’ ah, izzit? But hor today V day, not CNY lei…" He took the bouquet and counted, "Eh… I ordered half a dozen, don’t know why got bonus, got 2 free." "Wah, got free gifts!", we were surprised. Maybe the florist’s math failed lah, maybe she thought half a dozen is 8.

He brought me to this very ulu rustic place, situated inside Seletar Air Base. Initially I didn’t see any restaurants, just a lot of abandoned barracks and what seems like plane hangars. For a moment, I was skeptical, but the scenery of the place had me charmed. With the setting sun, the atmosphere was like… hmm… mushy yet romantic… sappy yet blissfully sweet. 

This is the place, Sunset Grill and Pub. It is a very cozy, little family-style restaurant. It is facing the Seletar Airport, you could watch the planes take off as you soaked up the aura of bliss, created by the most breathing-taking sunset. If you are lucky, you might have the chance to witness the sun "melting" into the horizon of the runway. 

When the night falls, the place will take on a nostalgic feel. You literally forgets that you are still in Singapore. Everything here is peaceful, a total opposite of the hectic city life. Although today is V day, this place has not been commercialized by any distasteful hearts or ribbons decoration. The only thing that reminded me of Feb 14th, is this tacky coaster. And then there are those couples, who look like they are lost… in each other’s eyes.

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The whole time, this scarecrow was impudently, playing the role of our gooseberry. Why didn’t the boss give the poor chap a day off? Valentines is once a year afterall. 

Dying to go to where I have been… here is the address. (click to enlarge)

SAY THANK YOU HOR!

Job Opening for Doggie Nanny

Doggie Nanny required, URGENT ($250-$320 /month)

As a doggie nanny, you will be required to bring Oki to your place from 8am and send him back at 8pm, for Mon-Fri (for weekends, you will be paid extras). Your role is to watch over Oki, feed him (his food will be provided by me), bring him for walks and bath him once a week.

I am looking for individuals or a family who have experience in dog handling. If you constantly have someone at your home to provide companionship to Oki and you are a dedicated person with a genuine love of dogs, I want to hear from you now.

You will find that working as a doggie nanny, caring for my dog, Oki is fun, enjoyable and extremely rewarding! Please contact me via email (my email address: myokiki@yahoo.com.sg) or message me in friendster, drop me your name, contact no. and let me know when you can start work.

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My name is Oki. I am a 7 yrs old Tibetan Terrier. Weighing around 9kg, I am a medium-sized dog who is very "manja", really friendly and I never bite my human owners.

But I am aloof to strangers and I will bark if you dump me alone at home. I am paper-trained and I am not fussy with my dog food. In a nutshell, I am a darling to everyone who loves me. Hmm… who wanna take care of me?

Latest Update as of 25th Feb 07.

It’s official. I had found Oki a dog sitter, who is my neighbour. It’s almost too perfect to be true!

Thank you everyone for your interest, kindness and support

I Have A Problem, Can You Help? (Part 3)

My ex-bf came to speak with me just now, he said he came to know that I wrote about our problem with the car on our blog, and it had caused him some distress. I felt really bad suddenly. Why had I been so unthoughtful to his feelings by exposing his life on my blog without sparing his ego?

He told me he would gathered whatever resources he has and try to return me everything that he ever owe me. Plus he would sell the car, regardless of its horrendous depreciating value, and he will also top up the balance. I felt like a devil! A devil who had made him so willing to trade his soul, just to regain back whatever that was left of his smashed up dignity. I broke into tears of guilt.

I didn’t mean to be cruel to him by writing those entries, but I do admit I was insanely insensitive about it. I regretted if my words had hurt him accidentally. The last thing I ever wanna see, is for him to break down with a deflated self-esteem.

He is a good man, who kind of lost his way, and had fallen into the trap of this kaleidoscopic world which we lived in. I don’t want to watch him sink any deeper, I wish to see him well, even though we are not together anymore. I really do.

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Now after solving our initial problem, another one surfaced. Our dog, Oki has been staying with him, and he will ferry Oki to visit me over the weekends. This has been going on since we broke up. He was telling me that he cannot go on to take care of Oki anymore and he proposed that I find a solution to take Oki in as soon as possible.

My Oki had not been able to stay in confinement alone by itself, hence when I left my ex-bf; I left Oki behind with him; even if it means I have to endure the pain of missing Oki. His dad is at home most of the time to watch over Oki, I reckon that it would be seemingly, a better choice to have Oki living under their roof than mine. But now he said that his family is beginning to mind about it and he had been stressed over this issue.

I can see that this hurts him a lot as he loves Oki as much as I do. But if this helps to light some burden off him, I would try to find a solution to house Oki back with me.

It’s just one major headache after another. If anyone knows of any dog-sitters, staying around CCK, or has any brilliant idea, please come forward and share with me. Thank you all, so very much!!

Look at my adorable Oki, its ignorance allows it to remain indifferent to the tears shed by both its owners. It just dozed away, without a care in the world….