Laetitia is already 3 weeks old! We would be celebrating her "full month" on 1st Jan 2008. And it will officially marks the end of my fucking confinement!! WooHoo…..!!
You have no idea how torturing it is for me during this period of my "house arrest". Cannot this, cannot that. And those dreadful food that I have to consume. I have never hate eating so much in my life! YUCKZ!
We spent Laetitia’s first Christmas with her, complete with tree & pressies. We wanna keep this year simple & homely, so we had a quiet dinner at our humble home with our one & only guest, Jann.
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Naturally, Laetitia has received the most presents. She got a toy from Jann, 2 CDs from her Daddy, another toy from her Uncle Eric and 1 pair of shoes with 2 pairs of socks from her granny(aka my mom). 
And what did I give her? Nothing… I had given life to her liao mah. 
Did she enjoy her first Christmas? I bet. She is seen smiling, even in her sleep. Hehe…
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Everybody got a gift, including my maid, Karen and even our doggy, Oki got a pressie from Mr Hubby!
Friends who know me well, knew about my dislike for kids. I wasn’t those girls who would go "goo goo ga ga" over babies or children. In fact, I surprised most people by getting pregnant myself.
When I was getting big at my belly, I was worried that I might not be attached to my own baby when she is born. It was then a guy friend who just had his first-born told me about this "children = fart" theory.
He said, "Children are like fart. When they are yours, you find it pleasurable and even if you farted out loud, you would think that it’s funny. But when they belongs to someone else’s you think that it’s disgustingly and you would wanna run far far away from it."
To me, it makes perfect sense!!
And even when Laetitia farts, I think it’s funny.
Everyone raves about breastfeeding, so naturally I wanted to go on total breastfeeding when Laetitia was born. I read about cracked/sore nipples, problem latching the baby on, leaking breast, engorgement and many scary things regarding breastfeeding, but I was determined to go ahead with it.
On the second day after I delivered Laetitia, the nurse taught me how to latch Laetitia on my breast and she done it like a pro! The nurses were telling me that I have good size breast/nipples, and a clever baby, hence I will be successful with breastfeeding. The irony is… there was NO MILK! After the 3rd day without milk, panic started to set in and I was really stressed up. I woke up at 3am in the hospital and when to the nursing room to try to pump milk. After one whole painstaking hour of squeezing & nudging my breasts, there was just 10 fucking ml! Can you believe it!! I was so close to breaking down.
The first night Laetitia came home, it was a nightmare because I wasn’t producing enough milk for her still. She was latching on me for close to two hours and every time I pulled away she opened her mouth wide to search for nipple & failing that she screamed for more. I knew she was not getting her fill, and I felt extremely bad about it. I burst into tears and Mr Hubby was really supportive and consoled me, making things better.
Earlier, I was so confident with myself and my stupid twin peaks, that we didn’t buy any formula for standby. Mr Hubby got up very early the next morning and dashed out of the house, searching for any places which open early and sell milk powder.
As the days went by, I still wasn’t greeted by the problems of engorgement or sore nipples or all that was predictably usual. I am producing slight more milk now but I have to literally squeezed my teats out to pump 60ml or more, each time. It was really hard work and each drop of my milk is so damn precious lor!
I was so fussed about milking myself that I couldn’t care less about who is around me. I have no qualms about baring my bare breasts to the nurses, to my mom, to my mom-in-law, to my hubby or even to my maid, as long as I can get the damn milk to flow. My breasts have totally lost it sexual innuendo and I have became more and more like a COW, complete with the sound made by my breast pump!!!
How deceiving this breastfeeding picture can be! Can be so glam one meh??? Dun bluff me leh.
As instructed by my gynae, the previous day, we packed our stuff and headed for Raffles Hospital in the morning of 6th Dec, 07.
After I was admitted, I was put on drip and my gynae then proceed to rupture my waterbag for induction. After a couple of hours, I was still not feeling anything. Mr Hubby and I both agreed that it didn’t quite came as what we were expecting. There wasn’t any tummy pain drama or water gushing out from my below. It just wasn’t how we expected childbirth to be. This goes to say antenatal class is a total waste of money.
I sent Mr Hubby away for his lunch and to run some errands. When he returned 2 hours later, I was in GREAT pain, the contractions were coming intensely and I was sucking and blowing air like nobody’s business. Finally after 3 hours, I surrendered and asked for epidural.
The epidural jab was NB fucking CB painfully lor!! (Sorry about the explicit language.) Team up with the pain from contractions, it was the most hellish things I ever experienced. After administration of the jab, I let out my voice and wailed like a newborn! And Mr Hubby comforted me as if I was his baby.
After epidural, there was no more pain, so I was thinking I was in for a breezy labor. But I was so wrong! My gynae checked me and told me that I wasn’t doing so good as I was 3cm dilated at 2pm and was still 3cm dilated at 6pm, my labor wasn’t progressing fast enough.
Finally at 9pm, I was already running a temperature and started to shiver. My gynae had to break the worst news to me. I wasn’t gonna make it giving birth to my baby naturally, because I am still fucking 3cm dilated. I needed an emergency C-section. And to make everything more devastating, they are not gonna put me up for GA, instead I have to be awake thru out the operation. It freaked the fuck out of me! I looked at Mr Hubby and started to cry again.
I knew it was inevitable, but I was so terrified of the op that I trembled uncontrollably. Mr Hubby hugged me and kissed me, told me that he loves me and I replied him with, "I don’t want to ever do this again."
Thru out the op, I shut my eyes as tightly as possible, my gynae and the other surgeon were thinking that I must have fallen asleep after the long crying spree. When they lifted my baby out of my womb, I peeped and saw her for the first time. She was like… erm… like a dolly covered in whipped cream. The feeling was indescribable. It didn’t seem real at that point of time.
At 9.49pm, Raffles Hospital, operating theatre, Laetitia has arrived. She weighs 3.15kg and is 51cm in length. This is her, about 2 hours later.
I will update the rest of the challenges I am and would be facing shortly. Stay tune.
This morning Mr Hubby left for a company retreat at Bintan and I was to go to my gynae’s appointment on my own in the afternoon.
When my gynae was examining me, I suddenly had a show (bleeding) and upon a closer inspection, my gynae said I am having mild contraction, but I totally don’t feel it. My gynae wanted me to phone Mr Hubby and ask him to come back to Singapore.
As I was not feeling anything physically, the whole incident was like so surreal. I am barely in my 38 weeks and there are a ton of stuff I have do yet, like packing my bags for hospitalization, washing baby’s clothes, the furniture are coming this Sunday, I have not collected my maid’s passport from the agency, nor call SP Power Supply to arrange appointment to turn on my electricity… blah blah blah…
And why the hell am I still blogging at this moment???
Ok, I better go pack my bags now and not laze around.
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