Archive for June, 2006


Home Sweet Home

After many days of moving, packing, tidying, washing, cleaning… as well as numerous cuts and bruises on my body, it’s truly literally sweat and blood. My new home is ready for comfort, at last.

I still need a new coat of paint but that can wait. I am really quite broke already… 😦

Just 6 months ago, I would never thought I would be moving into this place. But what the hell! This home is great!!

My new home resolution is to swim at least 5 times a week. Or maybe 3 times lah…

Home Dsc011241

I love chilling out at home… I am a typical "lounge lizard".


God’s Superior Creation – Woman

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day. An angel came by and asked, “Why spend so much time on that one?” And the Lord answered, “Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?"

“She cures herself when sick and she must be a nurturer as well as the provider. She can work 18 hours a day and still be able to embrace several kids when she comes home. She will give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a troubled soul and she must do all this with only two hands”.

The angel was impressed. “Just two hands….that’s impossible!” “And this is the standard model?! Too much work for one day….do the rest of her tomorrow.”

“I will not”, said the Lord. “I am so close to complete this creation; she will be the favorite of my heart, among all the other creations”.

The angel came nearer and touched the woman. “But you have made her so soft, Lord”

“Yes, she is soft", said the Lord, “But I have made her strong. You can’t imagine what she can endure and overcome with this soft body of hers.”

“Can she think?" the angel asked. 

The Lord answered, “Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate.”

The angel touched the woman’s cheek….

“Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her.”

“She is not leaking….the water that flow out from her, are called tears” the lord corrected the angel

“What’s it for?" asked the angel.

And the Lord said, “Tears are her way of expressing her grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering and her pride.”

This made a big impression on the angel; “Lord, you are genius. You thought of everything. The woman is indeed marvelous!"

"Indeed she is! Woman has strengths that amaze man. She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. She holds happiness, love and opinions. She smiles when feeling like crying. She sings when she feels like screaming, she wept softly when she is happy and laughs loudly when she is depressed."

"She fights for what she believes in. She stands up against injustice. She doesn’t take “no” for an answer, when she can see a better solution. She takes her friends to the doctor and nurses them to recovery. She gives herself, so her family can thrive. Her love is unconditional."

"She is proud when her kids are victorious. She is happy when her friends are doing well. She celebrates when she hears of a birth or a wedding. Her heart is broken when a next of kin or friend dies. But somehow she will find the strength to get on with life. And she knows that her kisses and hugs can heal any broken hearts."

"There is only one thing wrong with her, and I can’t seem to fix…..She always forget what she is worth… and she disable all the strengths that I have built in her.", God sighed.

My version was inspired by the original story titled, THE WOMAN.



Just one more for the weekends

For that one last time. Dun ever comment that I look cute or sweet and seem really nice. I am never cute and will not be nice, it is only your assumption of who I am. I have always been an antagonist. I seldom complain, I just trash it out in hostility.

Life might be short for me, but it is really "fucking long" for many who can’t challenge their own fate! Don’t fucking pity me. I am not here to know, that u feel sorry for me. I am here to prove that you can go against all odds to create your own fate.


Angel VS Devil.

A friend of mine is cheating on his wife. I am curious to know why he does that, especially when he describes his wife as someone who is demure, would never use vulgarity and is pretty, religious, pure, good-natured as well as understanding.

Questions gathered like clouds in my mind after knowing what an angel, his wife must have been.

Is there a justification for men’s infidelity? Is it the boredom? Is it the temptation to taste the sweetness of evil?

Is it lust, has love really meant so little nowadays? Or is there such a thing call love?

Is it worthwhile to jeopardize a marriage for the moment of carnal enjoyments?

Why did he betray his “angel”, just to fuck the “devil”? Does thrill in evilness heighten the climax for sex?

By keeping the marriage together, but fucking another person in secrecy, equals to loving his wife?

If his wife is so wonderful and had gone through so much, why is she being treated like a fool now? While all that the devil did was to open her legs and moan, to be given pleasure like a queen?

Is guilt ever going to get to him and make him repent, or will guilt drive him further to take shelter in the land of his fantasy for good? 

Is his fantasy an illusion created by the devil to tempt him into the kingdom of evil?

Has the devil truly fallen in love with him?

I don’t suppose there are truly any politically correct answers to any of the above questions……


The prettier the devil, the deadlier she will be??


Looking for Antidote for Insomnia (exclude all sleeping pills please)

It is 5.21am ; I am still unable to fall asleep. It has been more than 24 hours and I had only slept a total of 2 hours so far. I am physically exhausted, there is a throbbing pain in my head, but the sandman is nowhere to be seen, just as usual…. The temptation of giving in to sleeping pills is growing into a monster.

It has been more than 100 days, since I had last taken Stilnox, I am beginning to question myself…. why do I want to put myself through all these miseries, just to kick the addiction. Right now, I desperately crave for being sounds asleep to free my mind of all the fatigue, worries and stress.

Is it the house shifting that has caused me to become tense? Or is it work, that seems never ending, that kept me awake? Or am I losing sleep because I am feeling empty emotionally? I do not have an answer, even if I do, the answer wouldn’t make very much different to my insomnia, only Stilnox can.

Two and a half years had passed, since I last had a good sleep without popping pills. I have forgotten how wonderful it must have felt like to have sweet dreams. I tried everything the doctor recommends; eventually he gave up and turns me to prescription, in order to help me. It is torturing to long for something that is so simple and naturally for other, yet so unachievable for me.

If you had suffered chronic insomnia for a few years like me, you would perfectly understand my desire for that simple wish for falling asleep. Those who think that sleepless nights are just not worth kicking a big fuss, you can fucking just shut up and may you be cursed with a lifetime of insomnia.

I hope to recover fast, if I am destiny to suffer insomnia for a lifetime, please just shot me now, for I just fucking want to sleep….. to close my eyes and be dead to the world.


ENTER SANDMAN by METALLICA didn’t do the magic for me…


and he might be leaving us soon…

It’s about 2 weeks since I was found and sheltered. There had been ads on newspapers and internet to help me look for my owners. But until now, Cindy and her brother had been disappointed, as there is absolutely no response from my owners. Did they really doesn’t want me anymore? Have they really forgotten about me?

When I was a puppy, I remembered they loved me a lot. They would carry me in their arms and fed me with their palms. They always told me how adorable am I and how much they like me… and now I have grown up, and they had forgotten about my existence…

I loved staying here with Cindy’s brother, whom is a pet shop owner. He shows care and love to all of us, puppies or big dogs, pedigree or strays. I liked him so much, when he leave the shop to do delivery, I would sit at his front door and wait for him to return. As I see his car pull up at the driveway, I would wag my tail and smile in silly way, when he enter the shop I would tell him I miss him by licking his hands. When it is meal time, I wouldn’t eat just so that I can get him to come and coax me to eat my food. When he is doing his work, I would lie down beside his feet and accompany him. Cindy would visit me and bring me for walks and tells me how gorgeous I look or how obedient I am. When she misses me, she would look at my pictures on her mobile or on her laptop.

But now they are thinking of rehoming me. I was really heart-broken initially; I thought I had found someone who would not abandon me anymore, now they want me to be gone too. Then Chocolato, the lab told me it is wrong to think of them in this way. Chocolato was a handicapped dog, he would have been put to sleep if not for Cindy’s brother who adopted her and gave her love, and shelter and regularly hydrotherapy by bring her for her weekly swims.

Now I do understand that they love me, and love is not about possession, love is about giving the best for me. I am a big dog, it would be best for me to live in house with a garden and have ample space to play, than to be kept in a shop. They want to find me an owner who would be able to spend time with me, to allow me to sleep beside him/her and to share with me all the tears and the joy, all the festivals and the anniversaries, til the end of time.

Do I love to have all these… or would I just love to be loved by the people who truly love me.

Dsc01027 Dsc01028


Sidney Boy (Golden) and Chocolato (Lab)

Dogs are amazing in giving love. They love you whole-heartedly, without ever asking for a return, They will wait for you at the door for up to 10 hours in every day, just for that brief 10 min of hug you gave it when you open that door and come back home again.

I am really going to miss Sidney so much… I wanted him to have a good home, at the same time, I am apprehensive. What if the new owners do not love him as much as Sidney should deserve? Humans… the ugliest creature God can ever create.



Who Am I??

Her name is Cindy. Most people tell her that she is fun to be with, but they do not know that she is really someone quite depressing. She is desperate to find love and acceptance, deep inside she is really just an over-grown child who is looking for a family to go home to. She is willing to give up anything for the sake of having someone who will care for her and give her the happiness that she has been missing out through her growing years. She has always been extremely gullible and believes that the person in her life will always be true to her. Although she has been betrayed by person whom she spent part of her life with, she still might believe that somewhere, somehow, someone will be there for her in the future. She hates telling lies; she hopes that nobody will lie to her because she never learnt from her mistake and would become too trusting, too easily. She is disappointed with herself for being too forgiving when she forgave her unfaithful lover over and over again, holding on to his unfulfilled promises of loving her back. She is paranoid, pessimistic and weak-willed, as well as being too highly dependent on love for her own good. When love walks out on her, she crumbles like a cookie and thinks that she doesn’t belongs to this world. She would intoxicate herself and pray that she would sleep forever to forget about all her past and she would never have to face her future. At times, she even wonders if she is already dead because she isn’t half her fucking self anymore.

Her name is Cheong, or at least, this is the name she response to. Most people see her as an optimist who seems to have little problems, she always appear to be calm and collected, but most did not know the hell she is walking through. She would wear her facade like her amour to prevent people from deciphering her vulnerabilities. Her pretence is a camouflage that she needs, in order to win the battles in life. She is a strong woman, with a mind of her own, who has little risk of being influence but others. She is not afraid to express her thoughts and feelings, as she doesn’t care a fuck for whosoever in this world. She is capable, sharp-witted and clearly knows what she wants in her career. She is successful and self-sufficient, that makes her a woman, who has no need to rely on any men for a living. She enjoys solitude and independence. She is very cynical and skeptical about the thing call love; her motto is “If love does not give me happiness, then love is not something that I need”. She is aloof and her relationships with most humans are superficial because she regards them as poison, which can kill her when she let her guard down. She tries her best to stay vigilant and is always watchful of the person who will come close enough to hurting her. But she knows very well that she is a fighter and a survivor, she will not succumb to fate and nothing is impossible to get over. Through the years, she might have become vindictive; it is all because she is sick of being the victim. However strong she might be, she is still not able to fully take control of the other personality of hers.

My name is Cindy Cheong. Just who the hell do you think I really am?

Tears_1 Tearsss_1