The Endless Wait

I think that was the 6th call which I made… I still reached to his voice mail instead.

He said he wanted some moment to cool down. And I said I will wait…

It was 1am. I was fighting back my tears all this time, because I knew he hate to see me cry…

In the end, I was defeated. Large droplets of my sorrow welled up in my eyes. I broke down. I sobbed until I was choked by my own tears.

I was shaking. I was gasping for air. Then I realized that I wasn’t choking on my own tears, I was having an asthmatic attack.

Sucking on my inhaler, I couldn’t stop my tears from falling…

I was really exhausted… but each time I heard the sound of the lift, I was hopeful. I had imagined that he would walked thru that door, in a matter of seconds

After more than a dozen times of disappointment. I just felt very cold and numb. I staggered back into my room.

Tears had dried up… I didn’t have anymore energy left to cry… Yet the door remained closed. And here I am, still feeling all tore up…

The wait just seemed so endless…

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Goodbye

It’s the end… I mean it’s the end of 2006 lah!

The entire year is left with a couple of days. It is speeding past like nobody’s business. I dunno what 2007 has in store for me, or you or anybody, but I ain’t going to care, it’s still coming by right?…. May all my blog readers out there, have a really good year ahead!!

ADIOS 2006…. I DON"T MISS YOU, SO DON"T YOU MISS ME TOO YA!

Now I am a lesbian?

How many of you readers out there, think I am actually a lesbian? So I faked my BF huh??

OMG… Seriously!!?? I look like a "passive" to you??

WTF! Just because I choose not to entertain PIGS online, doesn’t quite means I am definately crooked??

Everyday, I get mails (WLNY & Friendster) from boys aged 16 onwards, asking me to be their friends! If I be nice and friendly to everybody, then I will be si bei boh eng lor!! NBCB!! They have to get the fuck back to reality! Hence I am known to them, more as a fiery devil from hell or a bitch, well-known for ego-crushing insults. And trust me, I can be very good at that.

Now, after terrorizing most of the creatures with penises, I get Les trying their luck on me. Tell me, what’s the world coming to?! I have to be that slut whom everyone hates? CB, that’s really a bit harder.

If Mr Ex-Schoolmate is right, this time. I should paste a FULL-LENGTH PIC of myself here, and that should ward of all evils! Because he believed that I only look good from my neck up! Haiz… that’s what my boyfriend thinks of me…. =_="  THIS IS JUST GREAT!!

PS: I will get my full bodied pic asap! Just wait & see…. I will be back with a visual terrorization.

Christmas In Phuket Part 1

SAWADEE-KA!! I am back from Phuket, where I had my 2006 Christmas vacation!

Don’t expect truckload of pics from this entry, as I am waiting for the kind people with cameras to email the beautiful pictures taken from their many mega-pixel cameras, to me. I still don’t have a camera, don’t you see!

I experienced so many "first-time" in this trip. Hmm… I feel so much like a virgin all of a sudden… LOL!!!

Let’s see…. I had my…

… first visit to the Singapore Budget Terminal, which resembles so much like a warehouse!

… first travel on a budget airline, Tiger Airway. Gosh! It’s FREE SEATING! Can you imagine the chaos??

… first meeting with Mr Ex-Schoolmate’s buddies. They are such lovely people; Sylvia, Sharen and her hubby, Derek.

… first trip back to Phuket after Tsunami.

… first visit to Phi Phi Island and seeing Maya Bay.

… first rafting experience. And I drank a mouthful of river water!

… first time ridding an ATV. Oh yes, I am a hell rider! I gave hell to the person who rode with me. Hahaha…

… first swim in a waterfall. And I tell you, the water freezed my ass off!!

… first time trekking on an elephant’s back. I felt so bad when the keeper told me, the elephant is a grandmother. I almost wanted to come down and walk on my own.

… first encounter with a 3 months old baby monkey in my arms. It kinda stirred my maternal instinct there!!

… first sunset that could melt my heart.

… first count down to Christmas, outside Singapore.

… first Christmas spent with Mr Ex-Schoolmate, as my boyfriend. And we spent the entire Christmas Day in the hotel room…

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… Like suspense? Looking forwards to mind-blowing details?

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running in and out of the fucking toilet!! Taking turns to LAO SAI!!

Fucking Hell!! Both of us had FOOD POISONING on Christmas Day!! Cannot be more joon oredi lor!!

Our friends were all ok; they bought us some medicines as we were basically too weak to get ourselves off the bed in the morning. Luckily we were coming back that same day, in the evening.

Mr Ex-Schoolmate was feeling better on Boxing Day, while I still throwing up a little. But I can’t wait to rip open my presents. I was extremely thrilled when I saw what Mr Ex-Schoolmate bought for me! The phone I always wanted!!! Love him so very very much!! When I recovered, I can take more pictures of myself! Ya, I can’t stand myself! Hehehe….

Here I am sipping my Yakult, praying that I will never encounter food-poisoning ever again.

Oh ya… one more first time…

First time, I didn’t put on weight after Christmas, all thanks to the diarrhea!!

Tis’ the season to …

…avoid Orchard Rd at all cost!!

Oh shit! I heard all retailers yelling at me, in protest.. I mean.. if you ever contribute to the traffic madness in Orchard, you might as well just fucking buy something can!!

That day, I took a cab from my office at United Square to Ngee Ann City, it took nearly half an hour, and look at how much it cost me!! That’s not the most infuriating ok, the stupid cabby kept asking me to drop at Meritus Mandarin or CineLeisure or along the road near Ngee Ann City. WTF!! It’s raining lor! NB, make me angry only!! I don’t care lor, I WANNA DROP ONLY AT MY DESTINATION!!

So today, I thought I very clever, I take train. Went to Novena MRT. Hmm… not bad, very few people… eh?… what’s that on the floor?? 

Siao!! Got Terrorists! Got Bombs! I was contemplating to dial 999, then an auntie walked towards it, picked it up and board the train. WTF!!  (*~*)  Why must this auntie pull a stunt like that?? CB, if I called the police, then in the end, I malu lah, izzit?! Shit! Luckily never KPO.

I took a bus home, I was thinking, this should be a smart choice. WRONG!! I was WRONG again!! The bus was SUPER packed!! I was crammed at the entrance, beside the door ok!!

Finally survived the public transport and reached home….

My eyes lightened up!! There is a new present under the Christmas tree! Pulled out a card and hehe… it’s my present from Mr Ex-Schoolmate. He must had sneaked back home this afternoon to plant it under the tree. Call me Kitty, some more.. haha..

As I was sitting down on the sofa, I saw a blue rose perching on top of the TV. That’s like double dosage of surprise!! Ok… I admit, I was grinning from ear to ear. Hehehe…

Well… perhaps tis’ the season to be jolly!!!

Can’t wait to open my presents… but I will tahan and rip them only on 26th Dec, Boxing Day!!

PS: I will be leaving for Phuket, Friday morning. Spending Christmas there. Pray for me, no Tsunami ok!!

Individual Sovereignty

Whoever is incompetent to function, shall take the back seat! What can I say? This is the era of self-ownership.

Thanks to some readers. Appreciate your msn, sms, msg and phone calls, but please don’t look me with that piteous eyes, because I am alright.

And it’s nothing to do with love. Love… that’s just part of life, it is NOT EVERYTHING in life!

I will make sure that contemptuous side of me remains dormant, and I will clean up the fucking decadence it has created!

Say goodbye to the loser… the reign is now mine.

The Ugly Strife Within Me

I must have dozed off in front of my TV… or else I wouldn’t have the chance of her taking over me. I was suppressing her so well, these few months. That monster unlocked herself and sprang back to life… she took over part of me at that instance…..

You should have known, without Lithium, I have every chance to take over you and yet you are taking your chances huh?… blame it on your own stupidity!

I know without it, there would be some serious repercussion, but I just wanted to lead a normal life, so lay off me, would you?!

The rate you are running your life, is as good as ruining it! You and me… going down the memory lane of sorrow… So… you lay off!! And I am taking it over from here.

I am doing fine… so very FINE, without you fixing me. Back down, would you?! I don’t need your fucking presence!

You are inferior! Admit that won’t you?! You gave in to everything… that silly thing you call – LOVE. Losing yourself, to become what he wanted you to be. You are such a loser! OMG! It’s so so disgracing!

I am telling you, I AM FINE! I am very HAPPY! So lay off me NOW!

Fuck you!! I can fucking taste your tears at night, ok. I can feel your wretchedness… and you are still going to pretend that you are FINE?? WTF?! You are nothing but a submissive and compromising shite!

I want to do that for him, ok! I am more than willing, ok!

Ya, right… Probably you just never learn your lesson. I am the superior one, and you are just so fucking not! You need me all the time… to save you out of the shit-holes. And then, you crawl back in again!! You are such a retard!!

I will abolish you! I still have some Remeron, remember?? You will be repressed deep within…. I am locking you up…. FOREVER!

Remeron??… hahaha… WTF!… Remember? It didn’t do you much help to eliminate me then, my presence still lingers! Why are you always such a loser?? You just never learn, would you? God, forgive her there…

I will not let you hold me down… I love him… and you ain’t going to annihilate my bliss this time round.

I seriously don’t think you have that ability. You know, you are such a weakling! You want to lead a normal life?? Why don’t you just dream on? You think he is going to understand you being SICK? You think he is going to accept you for who the fuck you are?? Think again… Stop kidding yourself! He is not going to accept you. Look at you!! You are a goner! As always….

Fuck you! I will fight you til the end…. I hate you! You are a freaking monster! He loves me… sick or not, he will still love me! I believe he will….

Yes, I am the monster… you made me into, so I can protect you from the miseries, you surrounded yourself with. So FUCK YOURSELF!!

…..I am not going lose it. Not now… not ever… If Lithium is going to get you, Lithium, it will be!!

Try me then….. you will never win….. I always get to replace you!! Remember all my success stories!!?? Or remember the men who forsaken YOU!!?? Wake up your fucking ideas, won’t you!!??