I will be returning to work on Monday. After a super long break since last Dec, I would be fucking lying if I say I am looking forward to it!
With me starting work, my baby and maid will have to stay over at my in-law’s from Sun night to Wed evening. This will be the first time my Laetitia will be away from me since birth. The thought of not seeing her, not able to hug and kiss her, kills me!!
Few days back, I had the joy of witnessing Laetitia rolled over (with some assistance from me) for the first time; I was ecstatic! When the excitement died down, I started to cry; for it dawned upon me that I might most probably not be there to witness her first crawl, her first step or hear her first word, because I am a working mom! I felt really upset & short-changed!
If you are thinking then why don’t I be a stay-home-mom instead. Read on.
Number 1: you aren’t living in Singapore hence you don’t realize that being a stay-home-mom here is really a fucking luxury and not everyone can afford to do so.
Number 2: your husband is bloody well-to-do hence it is easier for you to pass cynical comment than to donate some of that wealth to me.
Number 3: you are just a minor and you hadn’t tasted adulthood yet to understand complexities or reality.
Number 4: you are from my granny’s time, when a woman’s job is really about getting laid, giving birth, looking after the kids and doing housework.
Number 5: you are a stay-home-mom who preached about the greatness of being a martyr for the family, even though you are secretly envious of your financially independent lady friends.
In the law of nature, the work of a mother is to be the care-taker to her baby. But in Singapore, this fucking rat racing society, our government not only encourages mothers to work, they even propose that the grandmothers should also work, hence the talk of delaying CPF withdrawal, re-employment of the retirees and stuff I don’t want to know.
HELLOOOO!!! U WANT MORE BABIES AND ALSO WANT EVERY GODDAMN SOULS TO WORK UNTIL 70?! THEN WHO SHOULD FUCKING LOOK AFTER THE BABIES, U TELL ME!?
I remembered I was doing my appraisal with my manager when I was around 4-5 months pregnant. I was ambitious and wanted to go regional. She, a mother of two, told me that after giving birth I might change my mind and would perhaps rearrange my all priorities. And boy, she was dead right! Nowadays even a 2-day meeting in KL (happening in the week after next) becomes a BIG deal to me. I think I should just kiss regional work goodbye!
I had to agree, while it’s not totally impossible for me to be a stay-home-mom, it’s just my very personally choice. A choice to be bountiful rather than risking not having enough. Yes, you can argue that 有钱不是万能的. A baby needs love more than expensive toys. But 没钱绝对是万万不能; when you are damn vexed about debts and all, you think you got the mood to play with your baby?! And I also believe in this chinese saying: 贫贱夫妻百世哀. (translated losely in english as "poor couples live in sorrow for century to come"). If we aren’t living our lives blissfully, how could we give Laetitia happiness then?
Well, I had the best time of my life taking care of Laetitia. If only time can come to stand still… ok, I know that is impossible.
Erm… then how about letting us strike a few millions in toto then!?!?
I love being Laetitia’s mommy; even if it means I became FAT (at the beginning), look frumpy, face the world without makeup, or smell like stale milk.